I'm not feeling as gloomy as usual this week as I've been able to get a whole train carriage to myself just by sneezing and wearing a sombrero. Gordon Brown says Britain is one of the best-prepared countries to handle a flu pandemic, which is especially reassuring after he said we were one of the bestprepared countries to handle the worldwide recession. The first confirmed case of swine flu in my area (Oxfordshire) was diagnosed this week. The good news is that Oxford people might have to wear face masks. Something I've been petitioning for many years.
Thousands of people have cancelled there holiday to Mexico to avoid catching the virus. If I'd spent any time at all in Mexico and all I came back with was swine flu, I'd be delighted. My doctor would be saying: "The good news, Mr McGowan, is you've got swine flu. The bad news is you've got gonorrhea, dysentery, hepatitis B, alcohol poisoning and you seem to have been shot in the spine." Most cases have occurred in villages containing massive pig farms. What are they moaning about? I would have thought having a blocked nose for them would feel like a two-week holiday.
The whole country is terrified they will be killed by this. The biggest killer in the UK is heart disease. And yet we're all sitting at home on our sofas eating KFC, too scared to go outside for some exercise in case we bump into a sneezing pig.I'll say no more.
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