This week's Britain's Got Talent produced some of the oddest sentences I have ever heard on television. "Anyone prepared to die on my show gets 10 out of 10", "We were told to wear less clothes, so we're wearing less clothes" and "Ladies and gentlemen, give a warm welcome to Piers Morgan!" The made-over Susan Boyle appeared on Sunday, blossoming from a dumpy woman into a dumpy woman with dyed hair. Items that Susan has touched are actually being sold on eBay - the whole town of Bathgate has apparently beaten all estimates by going for £23.
An elderly woman in London stored her mother's body in a freezer for up to 20 years. I don't understand why she kept mother in the freezer for 20 years, especially as she'd no longer be edible after two years. She had wanted her mum to have a more dignified resting place, but the binmen refused to take her. The lady said she lost weight through the stress, plus the fact that it can't have made going for a choc ice any easier. At least she got to rest in peas. Asked why she did it, she said she had no choice as the fridge was full.
The World Beard and Moustache Competition took place last weekend, and was won by a woman from my home town of Oxfordshire. The only news that beat this, was a piece featured in the tabloids about a 66-YEAR-OLD woman, who has become the oldest new mum in Britain after giving birth to a baby boy. I'm amazed she needed to have a caesarean section though, you'd think at 66 she would have needed some masking tape down there just to stop it falling out. She says the most important thing is that she is able to give the baby a normal, happy childhood. Which he will have. Right up until she dies. It's going to be unusual having someone in their seventies picking up a child from school who's not a paedophile.
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