Headline courtesy of the Daily Mail headline generator at:
http://www.qwghlm.co.uk/toys/dailymail/
Watcha!
I hope your weekend was pleasant, mine was really busy entertaining two of my best friends (hello, I like you O.K) and reading Eclipse, part of the Twilight series by Stephanie Myer. I won’t spoil it for any of you who are reading the series, but when you have finished, drop me an email, and I will converse with you at rapid speed of my love and addiction for the whole thing!
That aside, I have finally toned up, and lost a bit of weight I was desperate to shift. I have kept off the booze for a while which has made life incredibly dull at times, as I tend to circulate with people that become funnier and far more enjoyable with three chardonnays inside me. The turning point came when I was watching a programme on babies and began to feel broody, and then I thought I was lactating only to find my left tit had fallen in my Greek yogurt. So I’ve shed the fat and feel fab, keep your eyes peeled for the fitness DVD release soon.
Thankfully the weather is starting to change, and I am beginning to think of planning a holiday with my friend, although it will probably be a cheap Ryan Air flight from Luton, landing in Gatwick. Or we may take the seven-pound flight to New York, although as always with Ryan Air it does stop just outside New York, in Dublin. I may get in early of course, and take advantage of global warming by booking a 2025 scuba diving tour of Holland. I imagine if the recession continues to destroy us the way it has done, I can actually pay for my holiday using the new currency to come into use actually worth something, bubble wrap. Booo recession
Did anyone else listen to Radio 4 at the weekend? I only tune in because that way I'll know if the world has ended when I hear someone present the show with a regional accent. Anyway, after I realised Martin Jarvis wasn’t reading the speeches of Hitler in a high-pitched girls voice, I listened again to the Question Time programme, wandering why the hell I am not allowed to host that show, the people are so patronising! The questions are never what we want to ask, if I were on it, I would screw the political correctness:
“That’s a good question from the young man there, so Mr Darling, why don’t you shove your financial plans up your arse”. Then Radio 4 continued to give us listeners advice on how to sell our houses; “Open the curtains, and tidy up”. Thanks for that, I had planned on redecorating using diarrhea pills and shaving ‘welcome’ into my dogs back.
Finally The Guardian gave us financial tips by telling us to do our own conveyancing if we were selling our house, whilst The Sun newspaper told us to clean our shoes with the skin on a banana. Mighty England eh?
Right must dash to help record a podcast for some unheard of radio station. I have to write the voiceover, which nobody listens to anyway.
‘Next more lesbian propaganda with Woman’s Hour’ I know, I know, I sound misogynistic, but I’m not, just ask my bitch.
Ps. For those who emailed me comments asking for a blog on the economy, keep your eyes peeled Wednesday and I should have something up and ranting for you!
Chris
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